Rules

Rules for me.

1, dance less, eat more.

My body is weak, it is always a shame to admit but I guess I should start realizing the fact.

The new built muscles make me look fit, or even healthy. But the medical reports and various kinds of illnesses beat me down to the ground.

2, Sleep early. 

I went to bed before midnight last night. First time in this semester. One of the reasons was of course because my half-blinded condition last night. I woke up twice this morning from freezing. Eventually I went back to sleep and successfully got up by 2pm. I have never felt so good in several months.

3, No smoking

Brother came to visit me last night when he heard of my operation. This kind man brought me fried chicken and cigarettes. Luckily that the cigarettes were apparently too strong. I choked badly after finishing one and amazingly felt sick for smokes after that. After not smoking for more than 20 hours, i am breathing in fresh air again.

 

I went to purchase my favorite Vietnamese oranges. Although I am broke but I should treat myself well, at least sometimes. In a foreign land like this, guess I can only depend on myself.  

Something abt the eye surgery i had yesterday. It was horrible. It was fast tho', but the 10 mins was the most unforgettable moment in my entire life. 

Imagine someone first injected something into your stye, right into it, and told u that it was supposed to make your eye numb so u wouldn't feel the pain later during the operation. Well, then I felt the pain that I was not supposed to feel, and clearly felt that the surgeon was cutting open the sty, using a needle to break the whatever thing inside, finally squeezed out everything she could by using all her strength. 

One thing I could tell u is that, if they didnt inject me before the real thing, i would die from the pain. however, the pain was divided into two parts. The injection, and the operation. I guess that is better?

Truth

I dont give a fuck about how u feel. 

I am sad, not because of what you have done, at least not anymore, but the way you show your pity face to the others. 

Stop pushing me, you know I can fucking ruin you if I want. You know you are the one who has some dirty secrets which I am really really eager to show to everybody who is curious about it. 

I cried tonight on the Ensemble Concert when I was dancing on the stage. 

crying over my naiveness.

i have nothing to do with you, am i clear? 

Question mark

I am quite disgusted by what I've just heard, even though I do have prepared for the coming of these truth. 

I thought I knew somebody well, in fact i  still think i know him well. 

Suddenly the truth hit me then I realize, even if I know you well, you could still be a stranger for me. Not completely but it's still a scary thing. 

I have no time for this now, so I won't make a fuss abt it. Just to let somebody know, the world is small, so small that's scary, for both you and me. 

  

   

Someone, Anyone

I am exhausted. 

Might someone, anyone give me a break. 

Last week I thought that I quit smoking. An hour ago I walked out 7 eleven with NEXT in my pocket. There are just too many ways to break  a promise. Intended, unintended. 

It has been raining. Dogs and Cats. The blur sky in the dark night scares me, tho I had to walk under it almost every single night. 

Two weeks ago I had this unbelievable bad mood, PMS, I self comforted. Last week I had this bitchy mood, MS, I self comforted one more time. Now I still wanna fight with someone, anyone, badly, tho I have no excuse to explain the undesirable desire.  Am I sick? Or maybe its not really an issue of myself. Maybe it is somebody else's fault. Maybe somebodys nose deserved to be broken. 

I want March to disappear tomorrow morning when I open my eyes.