An email and Chinese New Year

Dr. D, my boss, sent me an email.
I was being very anxious after sending him the finalized version of the Lab design. Because even after hundred times modification, I still don't know if it is perfect, after all this is my first time to design a lab without any help.

Tonight I forced me to open the school mailbox, opened the new email sent by my boss 2 hours ago and was ready to read some unsatisfied comments on my work done. Surprisingly, I read these:

"Good Job. I don't know what to do without you."

I took a deep breath and smiled. It certainly made me feel somehow accomplished.



I settled another bitch. I mean the task.
However, he assigned me my 3rd task since I took this job offer. And now I'm confident enough to handle it.


I realized that Chinese New Year falls on the beginning of the recess week in the next semester. Should I go home?
I haven't celebrated Chinese New Year with my family for 5 years. To me it's like X'mas to British, Thanksgiving to American.
This might be the last Chinese New Year I could actually make sense of in the next 5 years.


Daddy n Mommy, I am coming home for Chinese New Year.

c:/system32

Installing Visual Studio on the PC borrowed.
Sometimes I feel very annoyed by little bullshits like this. E.g.

- You gotta borrow a PC because you own only a Mac.
- You gotta borrow PCs when your friend only own one PC.
- You gotta install a stupid software over and over again because some PC's owner has it but most of them don't.
- You gotta change thousands of small little parts of your codes whenever you switch PCs because that's the fact of it.
- You gotta buy a PC by the end because you know you can't take this anymore, but you haven't used one for 4,5 years.

Anyway, I borrowed a PC from Ocean. And there is only 800MB space left in his C drive. -_-
So I started deleting files from his C drive in order to install the Visual Studio and all those shits.
Dnd eventually most of his favorite softwares have been deleted by me.
And this is not the evil part yet, the evil part is that he doesn't know it yet.

I promise I will install all those funny softwares back except one I accidentally deleted from c:/system32.......

半个学期过去了

半个学期过去了。我只认真学了所有科目的前2章。还都忘了。
半个学期过去了。我意识到我是完全在靠着打工赚来的钱过活着。
半个学期过去了。我在国大做research的工钱还没declare。
半个学期过去了。我觉得自己没上过什么课却天天忙得和那耕田的牛一样。
半个学期过去了。我没好好睡过一晚上10个钟头的觉。
半个学期过去了。我没有去过一次clubbing.
半个学期过去了。我吃得很饱体重却下降。
半个学期过去了。我没觉得自己可怜过。
半个学期过去了。我也没觉得自己不够充实过。
半个学期过去了。我实在不知道自己做了些什么赚了多少钱花了多少钱抽了几包烟。
半个学期过去了。我没有真正出去shopping过。
半个学期过去了。我没看美剧除了friends。
半个学期过去了。我还是迷惘地过着生活。

半个学期过去了。下半个学期马上就来了。

a Laugh, whiteout and the joke

I just watched a video on facebook. The content is such a laugh and it was a dance item I choreographed in March.
I couldn't tell what was going on on that big stage because it was such a giant mess and even me myself sucked so bad.

Can't believe I am still doing the same thing this year. I cancelled the dance rehearsal last night because I was so not in the mood of creating a dream and ruining it right away.

A loud voice in my head tells me, When you are not good enough, that's all you can get.

So I guess I have no choice but to continue the absurd dream.



Whiteout was such a horrible movie except that Kate Beckinsale is beautiful like a diamond. I am not gonna go to a cinema 'till I find a sound reason.

4 o'clock in the morning I am still drinking coffee and start getting sick of the taste of coffee.
Luckily one of the tasks given by my boss has been done by tonight so at least I have something to bring to the meeting tomorrow.


Recess week is a joke. But it would have been a much bigger joke if there is no such a week existed.

Corey told me to go to bed early. I shall listen to him.

The bitches

Missy Tuesday & Wednesday



Tuesday and Wednesday are two bitches sucking my blood out with no hesitation. My dear boss Professor XXX called me up at 9 o'clock in the morning and asked me how I was.

I said "Fine thank you and what is the issue?"

"Could you come to my office for a very short 20 mins meeting?"

"Now?"

"Ya, since you said you'd free today and you didn't reply my email yesterday when I asked you if 9 a.m. was okay. I assumed it was fine with you. I am sorry if I called you too early....."

"Sure It is totally fine with me. Be there in 15 mins, Boss."

How could I be rude and say NO at this point of time to such an boss who is full of efficiency and effectiveness.

I just wonder where the PhD student is.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had a friend offered me a $50/hr paid job teaching dancing 'cause the guy who was supposed to do the job had some last minute emergency.

The amount I can get from a 3-hour simple dance teaching session almost
= the average weekly pay I can get working my ass off as a teaching&researching assistant in NUS
> the amount i can get as a barrista in the god damned cafe for 20 hours.

And I didn't take the offer. Why? Because I have to work on that day as the teaching assistant, the coffee girl, and as a student.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------
However I took another offer which makes me 30 bucks/hr, sth. about teaching dance once again. Because that is what my time table allows. And somehow I feel bad for the 1st offer, and sincerely, for myself.


It feels like a rape while the victim is blind folded and the rapist come too soon. Sad in both ways.
I have no idea which part of my brain formed the sentence above.



Alright I need to get some sleep 'cause even if the Tuesday bitch is done with her game, the Wednesday Bitch is cat walking towards me now.

Being Drunk, Making No Sense

i have a bottle of Vodka in my left hand and a cigarette in my right hand, and I am typing.
Aren't human the feature with the best physical structure?

Working for a professor requires certain talent. I'm trying hard to figure out what the talent is. No conclusion. So i guess I am not trying hard enough.

Working in a cafe requires nothing but time and a body that's functioning. But I still get annoyed most of the time for doing a job which is only a job which I should not care about. No conclusion and I am not even gonna give any try for this one.

I'm getting pissy again. Even Mom said to me, quit if you are tired. Ya right. Now I really wanna say what do you know about my life.
Guess that's pretty sad.


And it is certainly sad, the ones, whom I wish can offer me some mental support, keep me in a frame which either says "she is 12-year-old" or "She is the genius. ". And the only one, who can calm me down and perhaps understand what I am doing, is not here.

I guess I can just try hard to rely on myself and figure myself out 'cause sometimes, in fact frequently I lose the sense of the way that I am living.



And I am tired of calming myself down, making rational decisions, trying to figure things out, planning and so on and on and on.



Nothing is making sense here. Once again I tell myself after all, you gotta be responsible since you are an adult.

Once again no conclusion. How sad.



I seriously just hope all these are because of PMS.

Bang bang

Yes Now I am officially gonna "teach" in NUS. Despite how hilarious the fact is. I dig a grave for myself and now i am gonna jump in.


Are All the other employees in the cafe dead?
Go sign up on the fucking shift schedule and take all my shifts.
I was being nice and responsible and now I have no fucking time to make coffee.

Bang bang i hear the bullet coming to my head.

Gravedigger

I am listening to this song Gravedigger, by Dave Matthews.
Trying to figure out my schedule for this coming week.

I have:
24 hours for my current part-time jobs;
12 hours for classes;
Unknown countless hours for my four on-going school projects;
4 hours for dance rehearsals;
3 hours(Ideally) to prepare for the dance rehearsals;
3 hours to go for dance tech-class;
Yet I have not counted in the 10+ hours coming as a potential, if Professor XX decided to hire me as his research assistant.

Don't you envy my life. I will give it to you with all my pleasure.



I just wanna see my man, hide in his arms and never come out again.