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Tiny mind

Song for today - Free your mind by En Vogue






I had a new post at 4 a.m. Deleted it by 8 a.m.

Right, I don't have the guts after all.


I read somebody's "secret" blog later in my ecology class. The guy started writing the blog after cheating on his girlfriend. It took him 3 months to get a new girl while he was saying that he was gonna wait for the love of his life for three years and stop having casual sex. Ha.



This experience told that what you've said, you're saying, or you'd say does not really matter. Because we are human with big mouths but tiny minds. We roll our tongue to manipulate each other. So clearly, the post I uploaded earlier was just another example. I don't care if anybody has seen it. Not even you whom I actually wanna deliver the message to. So why would I delete it? 'cause I wanna pretend to be a nice person, not that I'm afraid to hurt someone.


Free ya mind, can you? 'cause I am trying.

The year of tiger

Song for today - Plane by Jason Mraz.



Lunar New Year falls on this Saturday, spring break. Could be a chance for me to get together with the family and celebrate, I just did not catch it. A friend invited me to join a small gathering on Chinese New Year Eve, glad that at least I've got somewhere to go ad someone to talk to on such a date.


Birthday celebrated at Cafe Delmar with the guys and Lady Alexis. I put on my new bebe top and got drunk. I definitely got the attention and appreciated the love from my friends, yet I was not sure if it was right for me. See, i actually felt guilty for going out, got wasted and missed my dance class the next day. I think I am pushing myself a little bit too hard here.

By the way, I did quit smoking, which is actually not too bad. The real depression is that lately I felt getting detached from some people, worse, not only one. I think there are holes somewhere in the communications, but I don't wanna talk about it 'cause apparently even talking does not change facts easily. And I am tired of making an effort over and over again 'till one day I lose the patience and confidence. Such as today.

The worst thing is, I am pretty sure that I am not wrong about what I feel. And I've tried reaching through you, but I don't have the faith to actually reach there. Not anymore. We are all self-conscious creatures after all. I totally get it.



P.S. Blizzard attacked Jersey. To those I care about, please be well.