夹缝

I woke up when the fan froze my body or the birds sang too loud. 

Then I walked to the bathroom with my eyes closed, tempted to fall down. 

One cigarette made the throat feel terrible, but the headache went away. 

A glass of ice water. 

The exact same theme has been there for the entire beginning of the new term, my 6th semester in this cocky university. 

My body hurts, my brain gets blunt. My life is happening. Satirically. 

I got a phone call from somebody. Honestly I'm still not sure about the person's identity. And I don't really give a shit. But it feels kinda funny when somebody you didn't know thought that you know who he was and kept talking on the phone like your old friend. 

I thought I was a fool until I met a real one. 

Please

我很痛苦。
我憎恨如此这般的生活。

i'm terrified. Give me a little time. Give me a little space.



Above were written down last night, when I thought i was in a deep down situation and being completely helpless. But now, right now, I' m laughing at myself, 'cause I think I am in a deeper down situation.

What about tomorrow?

Perhaps I really don't know what love is, what life is, just as you said, or whomever said.

I need some certain things in my life, something that i deserve for.
And what's the thing that i want, i could never tell.

I seriously hope that i could stay in China for a bit longer. Even if it's just a place for me to hide.

China

If u let me pick a word to describe the life in China, jazzy, with no reason.

I am sitting in the dark, bored. Everywhere outside is icy.

I went down to the little wine shop n bought the left stock for their only white wine. And there is still only 20 bottles of them. I guess it should be enough for the week left. The wind was wild.

I was traveling in the south, visiting people, here and there, for some reasons. I was on trains, buses all alone. But it felt good. Neat.

Few books I'm reading, two chinese n THE ENGLISH PATIENT by this man from sri lanka or ? One of the chinese ones is about life of farmers in the old times, i assume. The author was pretty famous in China for his style, from which i saw only roughness. I dislike him, obviously.

Singapore is smiling at me in her own sly way. Oh well, well. Hmmm....

Too much to say, too much to recall.