If I kiss you where it's sore

Song for Today - Better by Regina Spektor






The sky is as blue as some of those 200 year old chinas. Oh rain, please rain.

If the bible says that hell is burning hot. I believe this island has the potential to be an entrance. Especially when a foreign man in suit suddenly yelled "Jesus Christ. God damn it." when he realized that he was on the wrong bus and had to get off and started walking under the aggressive sunshine. Instead of laughing, I started pitying him.

Welcome to the Sin City, babe.


February is coming. Which means Chinese New Year, Valentines', Birthdays are rolling over. I can easily foresee a sore month with excessive emotional flow and crankiness. Not only for myself, for everybody. Let's see, It shall be time&energy wasting, yet non-avoidable.


Men with masks were cutting grasses everywhere. Which explained well my sneezing, tearing, rash all over the body. I do hope this is the only reason that caused the above allergic symptoms.


I am kinda tired.

What do you want, what is that you need?

Song for today - I just don't love you anymore by Jann Arden


I what to be loved. I need attention, communication, promises, honesty and respect.
What do you want? What is that your need?
Tell me. Whathe hell do you want from me?

I want you, all i want is you. I plan my path, I calculate my energy, I make sense - I do all these in a way just like how the earth moves around the Sun. Am I clear enough? I think I am. I can't be more frank.

Yeah, but you have shits to do. Certainly you have shits to do.



You say you love me. Why don't you come and get me?
You say you love me. Why do I see holes in your words?
You say you love me. Why do you make me feel miserable?


I don't know what you want from me. I don't think we want the same thing. And I start doubting it.

Please. Please darling, stop me.

PGS

12 Jan, 2010
Flight 937 from Haikou, China to Singapore

One month is over. I am by myself again - with no family, no man, and no cheap cigarettes with me.

I am experiencing a crisis, which could possibly be named the PGS - Pre graduation syndrome. The major symptoms are:

- Lack of objective, career-wise;
- Excessive emotional flow
- Insecurity
- irrational thoughts such as becoming a stewardess(This one might be personal).

First time in my life time I actually lost track of life itself - completely frustrated, totally unplanned, yet still trying to avoid thinking about it.

There are blueprints, in fact I‘ve got four of them. However, none of them is desirable because the final choice of any one will cause me hell lot of troubles and perhaps hell lot more of future regrets.

There is one psychological theory saying that, behaviors manipulate thoughts, thus people tend to change or form their thoughts in ways which better explain or support their behaviors (which isn't exactly a good thing ). Together with my past personal experience taken into consideration, I figured that no matter which option I picked from the four, I'd talked myself a way out by the end of the day even if there was a regret.

Now the problem is, which option am I gonna choose? Or, to make this even harder, which three am i gonna abandon?