梦中人

Song for today: 梦中人 by Faye Wong



He looked like he was 18 years old, with such a clean face and hair style which appeared like the tail of a squirrel.
He was a silent one, but I knew that he could do that split in-the-air with one hand on the ground.

One word drew the flame on my cheeks. One glimpse hit the cherry taste on my tongue. And when he waved his arms to say goodbye, I knew I was looking at another me.

The boy was certainly a lovely one.

I knew I'd never feel the same if I saw him again.
I don't even know if I can see him again.

It's gonna be fun

Song for today - 身骑白马 (Riding on a white horse) by Lala.

There was this family photo on Facebook of my ex boyfriend M, in which he was tagged together with his current girlfriend. I am actually happy for him, like seriously, not being sarcastic here. In those photos I also saw his youngest niece, who was a new born when I was still in his family photo. And now she is a two-year-old.

Time flies. And it felt kinda strange when I realized how long I was away from his life. Yi Shu the Hong Kong writer once wrote down a sentence - Don't be friends after you break up with the one you were once in love with, because at least one of you had been hurt; Don't be enemies neither, because you loved each other. Okay, pretty sure this was not what she said originally, but let's just get the point here and forget about the originality.

All I wanna say is that I think I'd agree with this theory.

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Last night I was struggling with my own emotions after two shots of Black Label, JW. Nothing related to my love life.
Some pictures were flashing in my brain - the arguments that I've had with people, friends or not, the bitchy talks I've done to people, bosses or not, the secrets which I should have kept with myself but I told others, necessarily or not.
I started re-considering the motivation behind all. Base on my own judgement, was I doing the right thing or was I actually being a bitch, or rather a immature hypocrite? I know it's getting a little bit confusing here. All I wanted to say was that, I was very upset to realize that I had been harsh on the others yet compromising to myself. One step back, who is not? Nevertheless, I wanna be a good person, or at least a person who makes sense. And, to find the balance of getting sufficient selfishness and rational respect to others, it's gonna be .... fun.

Potamophobia

I'm not even sure if I have Patamophobia or something beyond it. I know I'd not go into the ocean, however, the house pool drove me nuts tonight when I was trying to get some exercise, alone. Okay, to be fair, I swam for 15 mins and even my house mate Aaron agreed with me that the lighting in that pool at night was kinda freaky.

I have a perfect reason for not going into water, especially running water, e.g. the ocean or any river, fucking yeah, rivers are worse; Somehow I believe that there exist some sort of monster in deep water. Actually to be more specific, monster or not, I'm afraid of the livings in deep water, such as an alligator, sea snake or whatever shit that can kill me in that vulnerable environment.

I don't know when did this phobia thing start, 'cause I remembered how much I loved water when I was a kid, and the last time I was swimming in the ocean freely with no, or rather very little fear was when I was a freshman in college.

My psychology book told me that all kinds of phobias are categorized as psychology abnormality - big word yet well.... People are all abnormal in one way or another, aren't we?




I was drinking wine in my backyard and watching the kids from the orphanage, right next door, playing soccer. They don't know me, but I was cheering for them.

Blog on the run

Song for today - Be be your love by Rachael Yamagata




I spent 3 days building the furniture which i purchased from IKEA.
Now I officially live in this tiny little room which looks like one of those showrooms in IKEA.
So size does not matter no more. The point is, I, now, have a roof.

My ex boyfriend called me two days ago, asking me on the phone "Do you wanna talk to me?"
I don't know, I just think that if I call somebody on the phone, this question seems too dump to ask.
So no, I don't wanna talk to you, especially after such a chaos happened in the past 6 months, especially after you accused me, and still accusing me for some really bad stuff which I would not do to you or anyone even if I hated you as a alligator.

End of the story.



A note I wrote down in my "New York" notebook when I was traveling in China.

A MONTH OF THINKING

When I woke up in this huge King size bed in a whatever hotel in Haikou city, China, I thought about this man and our complex relationship, past tense.

A month of thinking cleared my head out. I was no longer angry or crazily pissed or whatever adj. you can think of to describe my feeling towards him one month ago.

Instead, I do start cherishing the good moments and I gave the whole thing the word "pity". That is how I feel now. It was a pity that "us" did not work out, at least not in the way that I was expecting.

So I am writing down all these words, to officially forgive you, and myself (I play so fair)for ruining our love together, and to officially move on with my life, forgetting about the unhappiness and the unnecessary dramas, or rather chaos.

I don't love you no more. But, I will remember I did and how that felt.