Song for today: Laughing with - Regina Spektor
ICN is over. I'm disappointed. The reason is unclear, or I wouldn't wanna pick one.
Anyway, it is over. I did what I wanna do. I met some nice people. I'd say the whole while was fun. But I am never ever gonna do a show like this anymore. Ya right, like I have a chance.
I met Emily few days back, was telling her how I hadn't been smoking. She was proud of me, just like how I was proud of myself.
But the fact is that I bought another pack of dunhill fine cut. Altho' in two days I only had five and half cigarettes, somehow I realize that maybe I am not addicted to smoking, instead, I am addicted to buying new packs of 'em and enjoying the moment when I picked the first one out. And somehow, I can see cigarettes going out of my way. So judge me in whatever way you wanna. I know what is going on.
Something has been bothering me. I don't know what it is but it is definitely there.
Exhausted.
So i am gonna do what I do best. Smoke a cigarette and listen to some lovely songs. Go to bed. Dream about things on my schedule for tomorrow.
23.10.09
17.10.09
Some fish, some ships
Song for Today: Angels on the moon - Thriving Ivory
Thursday night, after having dinner with a girl friend, I was later in my room, drenching in coffee, cigarettes and work.
Sounds like Carrie's line in Sex and the city. The only difference is that she was a fabulous writer living in a flawless fiction, I am a little girl living in the real world.
I hate writing. Yet I have a blog with more than 100 posts. In average, I upload one post per week, while I don't even read my Psychology book more than one time per 2 weeks.
A long statement caught my attention few days back.
"Everybody is selfish. You love somebody else for an either clear or unclear but definitely selfish reason. You love your partner to expect the same thing back. You love your Friends to avoid loneliness."
I am pretty sure i got that from a comedy, but somehow it's not funny.
In my everyday life I keep the routine of meeting at least one friend per day. I am not sure that if its just me or it is me who is afraid of loneliness like the statement says. If the statement is sound, then I am really selfish.
Whatever.
A survey question regarding to love relationship and friendship
If you met someone who knows you, shares the same value as you, are you more willing to take the person as a friend or would you wanna drive this ship further?
See, this is a complicated question. The basic instinct may lead to a choice of the latter, however most tend to settle for the first after certain degree of consideration. Because in a ruthless real world like this, friendship weights much lighter on one's shoulder while relationship is hundred times more fragile.
I know nothing about the real world.
Thursday night, after having dinner with a girl friend, I was later in my room, drenching in coffee, cigarettes and work.
Sounds like Carrie's line in Sex and the city. The only difference is that she was a fabulous writer living in a flawless fiction, I am a little girl living in the real world.
I hate writing. Yet I have a blog with more than 100 posts. In average, I upload one post per week, while I don't even read my Psychology book more than one time per 2 weeks.
A long statement caught my attention few days back.
"Everybody is selfish. You love somebody else for an either clear or unclear but definitely selfish reason. You love your partner to expect the same thing back. You love your Friends to avoid loneliness."
I am pretty sure i got that from a comedy, but somehow it's not funny.
In my everyday life I keep the routine of meeting at least one friend per day. I am not sure that if its just me or it is me who is afraid of loneliness like the statement says. If the statement is sound, then I am really selfish.
Whatever.
A survey question regarding to love relationship and friendship
If you met someone who knows you, shares the same value as you, are you more willing to take the person as a friend or would you wanna drive this ship further?
See, this is a complicated question. The basic instinct may lead to a choice of the latter, however most tend to settle for the first after certain degree of consideration. Because in a ruthless real world like this, friendship weights much lighter on one's shoulder while relationship is hundred times more fragile.
I know nothing about the real world.
16.10.09
You gotta be kidding me
I planned to have lunch at Business School. So i headed to my favorite Vietnamese Stall and ordered a plate of prawn salad rolls.
A 40-year-old man in his Hugo Boss business suit was placing his order when I was paying for mine. I was pretty sure that he was a professor from business school whose accent and skin color told me that he is either American or New Zealander. Then here came the interesting annoying conversation.
Mr: Hey Cindy, gimme two plates of Prawn Salad Roll please.
Cindy: Sorry sir, sold out for today.
I was looking for my wallet inside of my bag and my prawn rolls were right in front of both me and the man.
Mr: Oh man, you gotta be kidding me.
Cindy: I am sorry sir. This lady just bought the last plate.
I looked up and smiled a bit then went back to my wallet searching.
Mr: That cant happen. It is my birthday today.
Cindy:.... Sorry.....
There was still no sign of my wallet in my very messed up hand bag. I was begging for it to come out so I didn't have to stay to listen to a middle aged man whining.
Mr: Oh come on Cindy, you can do something.
Cindy: ....
I realized that he was actually looking at me with little tiny hatred in his eyes when he said that sentence to Ms Cindy. Out of sudden I was pissed off. I looked up and turned around right facing the man in the suit,
Me: Well, happy birthday, sorry I got the last plate right before you. But I am keeping it.
Mr: But since you haven't paid yet, and it is my birthday....
Me: You gotta be kidding me.
Mr: Oh come on.... (whining again.)
Me: Excuse me.
Thank god I found my wallet by that time. I put down 2 bucks and walked away with a annoyed face. Behind me the man was still whining to Cindy....
If that man was really a professor from business school. I am never taking any business modules again.
13.10.09
Time travel
我很疲惫。schedule写得满到没有一分钟是空闲的。
project做的不尽人意。老板给的工作越来越折腾人。
我对某人说，你消沉是因为你没有目标。
我对自己说，我确定我现在要的真的是我想要的么。
某人说我make sense.
我自己对我说，i don't wanna make sense, so i won't be thinking about whether i am making sense.
sense是很难抓的一个意思。
有人问我，那你这么忙为什么还要dance。
这是我唯一一个可以回答得很肯定又很有sense的问题。因为dancing make sense.
就像如果New York University现在给我一个offer去他的dance department，我会放弃所有东西马上奔过去。
哪怕我去了变成菜鸟。哪怕我就是个菜鸟。
anyway, I am going to watch soap to relax.
project做的不尽人意。老板给的工作越来越折腾人。
我对某人说，你消沉是因为你没有目标。
我对自己说，我确定我现在要的真的是我想要的么。
某人说我make sense.
我自己对我说，i don't wanna make sense, so i won't be thinking about whether i am making sense.
sense是很难抓的一个意思。
有人问我，那你这么忙为什么还要dance。
这是我唯一一个可以回答得很肯定又很有sense的问题。因为dancing make sense.
就像如果New York University现在给我一个offer去他的dance department，我会放弃所有东西马上奔过去。
哪怕我去了变成菜鸟。哪怕我就是个菜鸟。
anyway, I am going to watch soap to relax.
8.10.09
The morning after
I don't know whether to call this morning or maybe night is more technically appropriate.
I got up at 7 a.m. Or rather say that I went in to my little navy color bed for 30 mins then jumped out of it. I lost the track of time, and all i could think about was coding and work, and somemore coding.Nothing gets more frustrating than that when all you can think about in bed is some kinda computer language.
After a miserable night programming on my very old fashion iBook. I decided to head to the lab 'cause PC does work million times more handy when it comes to programming. In the past two days, my sleeping time was an unshakeable mess from 5am to 5pm. Today I decided to fight against my very self.
I ate breakfast, had a horrible cup of coffee and a smoke, randomly grabbed a piece of thing and rapped it around my waist, put on a black tee which saved me lots of energy for not wearing a bra. I walked out of my room and became one of the earliest birds who appeared in my department where is famous known for geeks gathering.
2 hours after that I gave in 'cause the air conditioner in the building gave me an absolute winter experience which made me feel absofuckinglutely sorry for not wearing a bra that might possibly gave me some extra warmth. I left the building n made a new decision - I should probably get my clock right before trying to make a day efficient.
On my way back to my room. The sky became ugly, half diamond shiny, half grey like the end of the world. Some kinda ginger tea smell was mixed in the air. I didn't know what was gonna happen but it was definitely a great idea to go to bed.
It is 11 o'clock now. I think I'd go to bed 'cause at 5 pm I gotta go work at the cafe.
A total failure on time management. I pissed myself off again, but at least I was the first person who walked into that programming lab 1, School of Computing.
I got up at 7 a.m. Or rather say that I went in to my little navy color bed for 30 mins then jumped out of it. I lost the track of time, and all i could think about was coding and work, and somemore coding.Nothing gets more frustrating than that when all you can think about in bed is some kinda computer language.
After a miserable night programming on my very old fashion iBook. I decided to head to the lab 'cause PC does work million times more handy when it comes to programming. In the past two days, my sleeping time was an unshakeable mess from 5am to 5pm. Today I decided to fight against my very self.
I ate breakfast, had a horrible cup of coffee and a smoke, randomly grabbed a piece of thing and rapped it around my waist, put on a black tee which saved me lots of energy for not wearing a bra. I walked out of my room and became one of the earliest birds who appeared in my department where is famous known for geeks gathering.
2 hours after that I gave in 'cause the air conditioner in the building gave me an absolute winter experience which made me feel absofuckinglutely sorry for not wearing a bra that might possibly gave me some extra warmth. I left the building n made a new decision - I should probably get my clock right before trying to make a day efficient.
On my way back to my room. The sky became ugly, half diamond shiny, half grey like the end of the world. Some kinda ginger tea smell was mixed in the air. I didn't know what was gonna happen but it was definitely a great idea to go to bed.
It is 11 o'clock now. I think I'd go to bed 'cause at 5 pm I gotta go work at the cafe.
A total failure on time management. I pissed myself off again, but at least I was the first person who walked into that programming lab 1, School of Computing.
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